December 23rd, 2017

Sex In The Village (перевела свой рассказ для друга в Гугл Переводчике

In Zyuzkino, an unprecedented thing happened - a store of sex goods was opened. Sexjop, as it was called by old ladies of the village. This facility was opened by one of the newcomers who came in large numbers, Samson Gavrilov, he has a huge network of such shops throughout Russia, and in Zyuzkino his villa was situated. He decided that he should have a condomshop nearby, when his friends would be brought to the sauna.

On the first day of the opening of the store, no one went into it. The guys were sitting on the bench at the store, they were pounding seeds and everyone was pulling Fedka - go, you're the first, and he responded - and heeeeeey, am I the chief fool? Go into yourself! So on the first day the seller Valentina sat without a single visitor.

Valentina was a woman with a strong nervous system, who saw everything in her life, and most importantly, she owned a thing that was obligatory for a good seller-the ability to listen carefully. Usually Valentine's boss threw on the embrasure - on the promotion of new stores. Traditionally, the sellers have interest, and Valentina was - on salary, and rather big. Having provided a regular flow of visitors to the new store, she moved to the next point where a strong seller was needed. The absence of visitors for her was not a novelty, so she listened to old jazz and unperturbedly read the book on personal development.

The next day, visitors came to the store, five at a time: a local priest and four of his parishioners of respectable age. The priest was shaking his fists, waving his censer and praying for the expulsion of the unclean, and the old women squealed "how can it be such a shame?" "No shame or conscience" - looking around the shelves with great curiosity. Seller Valentine quietly promised to call security, to which the priest made a speech in the sense of "burst into the fiery hell!", but retired with his retinue as soon as possible away from the godless store. This was the end of the second day's visitors. Valentina passionlessly continued reading the psychological book.

On the third day Kuzminishna, one of the four companions of the priest, did not go with the girl-friends to the district center, having told the got a cough. Creep though the gardens, so that no one noticed, Grandma slipped into the forbidden shop.
- Hello! - Valentine smiled warmly.
Old woman stared at the saleswoman with suspicion.
- Come in, please. - said Valya, sat down and stared at the book.
Granny began to look around. Around on the shelves were miracles unseen: pussy, dicks everywhere! And all the rest - no, no hands, no legs, no head !. And also some pink rabbits, butterflies, lashes, bracelets. Kuzminishna cautiously poked into the whip and asked:
- And what is thus?
- Scourge.
- for wheat? - the grandmother was amazed
- For a BDSM. - Laconically answered the seller.
- And wheat’s thus? Ba-de-sam?
- Well, that's when a sadist and a masochist have sex, connects one another, flogs, this is a beadamsem, missis.
The old woman's eyebrows shot up and she thought hard.
- And my old man when was young strapped me with belt. Was et, be-ze-sam?
"Well, if to everyone's satisfaction, yes," replied Valentina.
- Yes, what fun can there be, - grumbled grandmother, - beaten to death, mortal battle ... Let the earth rest this bastard in peace, ugh!
Remembering that the tyrant husband had died, Grandma was much cheerful and turned to Valya:
- Erm, miss ... I heard there are things in these stores, well, to.. make yourself well... It seems like hell, but it moves ... Have you got?
- This is called a vibrator, granny. Now I'll show you. - Valentine took from the shelf a vibrator of the famous firm FuckandRoll. "Look, that's how it turns on, do you feel it?" Material as a human skin feels.
- It's just like a real dick! – Old woman enthusiastically bulged her eyes. She took the decision instantly: once again she touched the soft material of the vibrator with rough fingers, switched on and off the vibration, looked suspiciously at the saleswoman and, at last, began the bargaining:
- How much will you give?
"Two five hundred this model is worth, grandmother."
- Take a thousand!
- Missus, this model costs two thousand five hundred rubles, - patiently repeated the saleswoman.
- A thousand and a half! - Kuzminishna's bet shot up
"Two five hundred." - The flint was Valentine.
- Two! So be it! You're ruining an old lady, girl! What will be left for the funeral? - Kuzminishna bites her lip in excitement.
- Granny, with this thing you will forget about the funeral and remember about life! - Parried Valentine. "Two five hundred."
Granny thought. She did not think to buy anything until she came here. And what she should do now? Have to back through the gardens.
- Eh! I take it! Only I need to run at home for money!
- Yes, of course, - shrugged and smiled Valentine.

Kuzminishna slipped out of the store and saw behind the bushes the approaching company of youth. She hid behind the corner and caught her breath. Crossed herself. When the company entered the store, the grandmother tore home all the way through the kitchen gardens.
The first of the company opened the door with a foot. The guys were already pretty tipsy. The most brisk shouted:
- Mistress! Eh!
- Hello, - said Valentine softly and severely.
"We would ... give a present to a friend!" Thuts the thin’!
- Well. There are various games, jokes, you can see them here.
"Is there a rubber woman?"
"Yes, please, the dolls are here." - She showed the boxes on the shelf.
- And here erm, whatta - and the realistic, with a guitar?
- Yes, - Valentina remained unperturbed. - She also has a built-in voice. She moans and groans.
- In! Meeeeen! It is necessary to take!
The boys were noisy.
- How much? The chief asked. -
"Six thousand rubles." - Answered Valya.
The boys were depressed. They obviously were expecting lower price.
Suddenly, one, the most puny, issued an exclamation of an Indian who had shot a wild boar. In his hands he held a bright bundle of feathers.
- Boys, look!
The guys crowded around the frail. Valentine cut through the crowd, took the object in hand.
"They are underpants with a singing parrot." Men's. Click the button here, and listen:
Valentina pressed an invisible button and an opera baritone was heard from the feather-feather cake:
"What is our life? A game! Mwahaha! "Shouted the panties.
- We take! Said the chief. The price suited them, and the happy guys, giggling, came out of the store in single file.

The door creaked, and Kuzminishna's head appeared in the doorspace. She winked conspiratorially and asked Valentina:
- Have ‘ey bought anathin?
"Yes, they have" Valya smiled.
The old woman slipped silently into the door and held out a thick bundle of hundred-ruble notes.
"Just wrap it up, so noone could see and guess."
- Of course, missus, we have special black packages for camouflage. - Smiled Valya and handed her grandmother packed in an opaque bag vibrator. Granny hurriedly nodded, shoved the bag under her arm and, having peeked out in a slit, slipped out of the store.
Six months passed. In the city there have been small changes due to the store. The main joke of schoolchildren was to push someone into the store, because children must not go there. And then the returned hero told me he had seen. Valentina did not know how to get rid of them - that's her responsibility, so one day she wore a mask of a monster and sat down by the counter. As soon as the child ran into the store with a laugh, Valya began to glow and kicked the unfortunate daredevil to the backside. Since then, there has been a rumor among the children that the saleswoman is a werewolf, and the children began to bypass the store far away.
Among the guys it became fashionable to buy erotic jokes, they were given rubber babes for birthdays, among married couples visiting the store, Vala managed to find several supporters of the variety in sex, and they regularly tried something new. But the trade was not any profit, the eroticism was already out of fashion, the iPhones entered fashion.
In the end, the owner sold the dacha in Zyuzkino and closed the store. Valentina moved to work on a new point. A month later, everyone forgot about the fact that there was sex shop in their village.

... And only the old ladies on the bench still could not figure out the secret of the disease, which tore Kuzminishna six months ago, because of which she stopped attending the parties in the med clinic and stayed at home without a break. Probably she’s got something serious. But she keeps good, smiles, God bless her.